There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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