He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
