drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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