stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize