we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
