i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
