i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
