I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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