Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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