areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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