Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
