Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
