Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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