she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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