Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
