Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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