dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
