dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
