I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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