Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We have started to decorate penises.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
