Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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