I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize