so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
