Your face is a jimmy john
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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