Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
3 2 1 whiskey
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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