she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I seem to have left my pride at pride
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
