you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
