Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
