she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
