I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
BRING THE BAGELS
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
