he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
