he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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