I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
