Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
