and i looked up. we had an audience...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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