She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
