Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
