I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
