i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
