sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
