I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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