didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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