Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
