I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
