Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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