i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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