I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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