i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
