I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
