Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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