and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
