In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
