Swine flu is the new snow day.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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