That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
