Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I deserve this hangover.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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