haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Are we still banned from the library?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
