Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
