my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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