apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
