Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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