she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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