Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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