I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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