But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
