Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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