tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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