The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
