Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
