i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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