can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
