I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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