I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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