whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
