Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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