rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
