go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize