South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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