I like to think it a success when the cops are called
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
