This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
