I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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